GRINDHOUSE NIGHTS PART V Jan 10th 1986

You can jump HERE to the previous parts of this series.

So finally we get back to what I started this blog for in the first place: Remembering those special nights in the cozy "Stachus-Kino-Center", this run-down multiplex in the cellar of Munich's Stachus Venue with the stained red carpet, smelling of old cigarette smoke and beer....

This is january in a new year, the movies shown here won't make anybody (except me) crawl out of their cosy and warm living spaces, except for those that don't have these. So this evening (and I remember it vividly) had more than the usual amount of drifters and wildsiders in the audience. They surely slept through the whole thing. But not me. Wide-eyed I sucked it all in, all the strange tales of cannibalism, mercenaries and blossoming body parts. Let's start our journey, shall we:

1. Der Tätowierte Adler  /   Kid with a Tattoo, The  HK 1980

One of those many, many Kung-Fu comedies, this is about a young guy who has to revenge the death of his Kung-Fu teacher that had been killed by an opium-smuggling organisation. Plenty of stupid humor and standard fight scenes make this a very uninspired experience. Have you seen one, you've seen them all. 

Verdict: No!

But then, I am probably the wrong person to judge....

2. Die Todeshand des gelben Adlers / The Kung-Fu Instructor HK 1979

... movies like these. To get myself over the boredom, I began to actually pay attention to the plot in this one. So here we go: The Zhous and the Mengs are hated rivals whose mutual hostility is slowly destroying the city in which they live. While the Zhous are otherwise peaceful, the Mengs are consumed by the desire to control the city and are willing to end the feud by fair or unfair means. With this in mind, her boss travels to a distant village to secure the services of well-known instructor Wang Yang (Ti Lung) and gain the upper hand in the conflict with the Zhous. However, the honorable Wang Yang is reluctant to leave his homeland and is even less willing to get involved in the difficult clan war, but a diabolical plan by the leader of the Mengs ultimately forces him to do so. Although Wang Yang is now the official instructor of the Meng clan, he cannot accept the aggressive behavior of his new students and refuses to teach them the hidden secrets of his style. Further complications arise when Yang accepts Zhou Ping as his student, ignoring the long-standing rivalry to the chagrin of his employers. The murky politics of the situation increase the venerable master's stress, as does the gradual realization that the problems he faced in his previous residence may have been artificially created.

Although the story is different and the movie boasts the remarkable feat of being the first Shaw-production to use a Steadycam, most of the Shaw-flaws are there: zero characterization or development, this is just produced by the numbers and a missed opportunity.

Verdict: Another one

3. 5 Kämpfer aus Stahl / The Flag of Iron HK 1980

_Ahem.....

In a Chinese city in an earlier era there are two clans: The master (Wong Ching Ho) of the respected and revered Iron Flag Clan (an association that uses spears with flags as weapons) receives an invitation from the leader of the Eagle Clan to come can resolve the current tensions. The two fighters "Iron Leopard" Lu Xin (Philip Kwok) and "Iron Monkey" Yuan Lang (Chiang Sheng) are skeptical because they found out that the Eagle Clan abduct young women and then force them into prostitution. In order to settle the dispute, the master accepts the invitation. Of course, the iron flag delegation comes to the meeting without weapons - as agreed. But very quickly everything turns out to be a deadly trap. The master is murdered from behind by the contract killer "Spearman" (Lung Tien Hsiang), but this is only solved much later. After the cowardly ambush, Luo Xin's best friend Cao Feng (Lu Feng), known as the Iron Tiger, is chosen as his successor. Since there were more losses among the eagles (their devious master was also killed) and they blame the attack on the iron flags, Luo Xin voluntarily goes into exile for a few months. This is enough atonement for the authorities and Luo Xin works in a hostel in the province during this time. Tsao Feng offers to send him money, but the money never arrives, only killers who constantly try to take Brother Lu Xin's life.

Lu Xin's loyal companion Yuan Lang also visits him at the inn and tells him that he was thrown out of the clan and that Cao Feng has changed extremely. He has merged the two clans and earns a lot of money from the abducted girls who have to work for him in the brothel. Luo When there is another assassination attempt in the hostel, the then killer Spearman suddenly positions himself on the side of the good guys...

Remake of 1971s "Duel", this is ok. 

Really. 

It's ok. 

I did not mind. 

At all... but now let's go over to cinema 2 where I had been ....

4. Der Todesschrei der Kannibalen / Primitif  FIL 1978 

This movie started for me with the biggest WTF-moment in my entire movie-going history. The opening credits roll, some random shots of rainforest green. But the background music is Kraftwerk "We are the Robots" in the german version "Wir sind die Roboter". WTF? What does the german distributor try to tell us (I doubt that it is in the other country's duplicates...). Did Kraftwerk give their permission? How much had they been paid for this. I seriously doubt that Kraftwerk knew at all about this audacious move by the german distributer. Well and then.... nothing. I mean ... nothing. A group of people is running around in the jungle, two or three animals are killed. They are being taken captive and that basically is it. No violence, no gore, no nudity ... nothing. With a few cuts this could be shown on children's tv, but it won't because everything about this abomination of a movie is lousy. This is the stillborn vision of an entrepreneur who has none other than making money. This is the worst movie I ever saw. Period. Original title: "Primitif". That says it all.

Verdict: Not even primitive, just bah!

5. Mad Drivers / Ratas del Asfalto MEX 1978

Ok here's your local streetgang that obviously has it all under control, driving Corvettes and using the local groupies for their pleasure. Life could have been so good for Tony, the leader of the pack, but then, the mysterious George and his hyped-up vehicle come along, challenging Tony and his gang. Things turn brutal and then they decide to have an all-decisive street-race. This is not going to end well. This was far too mexican for me. As I can see that this movie might be seen very favourably in its country of origin, there are faaar too many moustaches here, far too little depravity and too much bad disco music. This is neither engaging nor very clever. And in the end just a time-waster if you do not have too many sentimental memories for these movies. Which I do not have.

Verdict: Nice to know, but not must-have seen!

6. Söldnerkommando 2 / Shen tan guang tou mei/ Dragon Force HK 1982

Ninjas have captured the daughter of some asian "King" and a group of western mercenaries (well actually one caucasian guy and the rest is not)  have to liberate her.  Of course they (the ninjas) do it while she is in a cheap motel bathtub. Then they do some acupuncture on her naked body to establish mind-control on her. Wow, what a concept. This is marketed as follow-up to the much more adorable "Kill Squad", but aside the asian-american production mix, there is not much similarity. The german dub goes strictly for laughs with some memorable one-liners and jokes that make the movie barebal. Otherwise, I would urge you to do some knitting instead. "Star" Bruce Baron was an america ex-pat living in the Filipines and doing some martial-arts-ninja movies in the 80ies before switching to SC-thrills and leaving it all behind in the 90ies. Good choice.

Verdict: Not worse or better than the rest!

Der Gnadenlose Vollstrecker / Killer Constable / Wan ren zan HK 1980

Uh, what do we have  here. This is an unusual crime/martial arts combination at a higher quality than most Shaw productions. Sometimes I am really happy that I have to watch the movies I missed back then for this blog. I never thought much of the endless stream of Shaw-productions, but this one here is a worthwhile movie in itself, apart from being a HKMA flick.  When the Emperor's treasury is stolen, a detective has got to get it back. As simple as that is, the movie plays a bit like "The Maltese Falcon" with noirish undertones and pretty deep characterizations. This is not your run-of-the-mill productions. This one was made with care. If I would have watched it back then, maybe I would have stayed in the cinema for more. 

Verdict: Good!

Like this one:

Todesduell der Tigerkralle / Death Duel HK 1977

... which is even better. Man, did I have fun watching these two movies back to back and did I regret not having seen them in the cinema back then. This time it is about the quest to become the best swordfighter in the realm. Simple as that, three warriors follow different paths, finally leading to a big showdown. This is a dreamlike/fairytale movie, made with much care and attention that grabs the spectator and totally immerses him. This must be one of the best Shaw-Productions ever. I am not an expert on these things, but this was very, very entertaining.

Verdict: Very Good!

Der Tiger von Kwan-Tung / Ten Tigers of Kwantung HK 1978

The secret society of the "Tigers of Kwantung" has to be annihilated, decrees the governor of Kwantung, as they had killed his father back then. No easy thing to do as they themselves had feared the backlash and had trained their sons accordingly. So this is basically a flimsy plot just to entertain you with an all-star-cast of 20+ martial arts fighters. The endless row of fights without any character development make this unwatchable without distraction. This is more like structured like a porn-movie. The fights, although, are pretty bad-ass.

Verdict: Best-Of.

Sündige Lippen / Superclimax ITA 1980

Just when you think it is safe to sink into the cosyness of the red-velvet cinema seat, along comes Joe D'Amato with this stinker. And no: Linda "LACELOVE" (!!!) does not participate other than that an old movie of hers is being shown in the actual film-plot. That is about the nymphomanic wife of an architect, looking for fulfillment as a call-girl for her pleasure. This has to be the first HC picture directed by Aristide and is incredibly hard to come by. I was able to view the unspectacular non-penetration version, but there is a german VHS out there that obviously has all the good stuff in and features a guy on a motorcycle.... a plot device I am unaware of. But that VHS goes for $200 and I am not willing to go THAT far to watch THAT movie....

Verdict: Completely uninspiring

Paris Intim 4. Teil /Les Caprices d'une souris F 1983

As above, we get a SC-cut from an HC movie, this time it is "Tout fait jouir Barbara", a movie about a movie director who sleeps with and casts young girls to get an idea for a new movie. That's the kind of brainstorm I would like to have, but then, I am just the spectator. This is pretty unexciting although the 1980s fashion AND the original opening credits song do bring a tear to my eye....

Verdict: The main theme is all worth listening to.

Intime Stunden auf der Schulbank / "Intimous hours on the schoolbench" ( GER 1981

Featuring Peter Steiner, one of the veterans of the Reportfilm from way back when and Christa Ludwig who, at that point, had already been "in it" (=HC) for a good decade (though being in her mid-20ies in THIS movie....). This of course is about dreamsex and realsex that schoolgirls want from her young and old teachers. This comes in VERY, very late in the School-girl-report cycle. Well. Competently filmed, with only a hint of a story, this -again- is available in HC-glory ("Sex mit Sechzehn") as well....

Verdict: Last of its kind.