2024 Days at the Grindhouse Part I : June 15th

Well, for over 20 years now, I am a member of this filmclub.  It's a secret one, so I won't tell you the name. The members of this filmclub go down into forgotten movie archives to unearth prints of very obscure or interesting movies. These prints then are shown in an old art-deco cinema-palace, that still has 35mm and 70mm projection. This takes place on a saturday morning and only members are allowed. 

You never know in advance, which films have been unearthed, and there is always one guy in the audience who knows best and gives a little introduction into our feature presentation. In true style, you mostly got a B movie, some trailers and an A movie after the break. 

Sometimes it is the only surviving print of a movie and sometimes they are so corroded and worn out that this will be final time, they can be seen at all. Well, here is my report on today's programme.

1. Der Firmling (GER 1934)

First, we get a prelude film from 1934 (and the print shows it's age) called "Der Firmling" or "The Confirmed One" in which the latter comes into a restaurant with his father to celebrate the religious confirmation. Obviously they do not fit into this high-class enviroment and finally the father gets drunk. A lot of funny stuff happens. I am not a huge fan of the comedian "Karl Valentin" who was - let's say - "Laural AND Hardy" of Bavaria in one person and still is quite well known. This one is pure slapstick and has not aged well. You can watch it here with english subtitles .

2. The Alley Tramp / Ach blas mir doch einen (Marsch)  (USA 1968)

Ok this is one of the prints that basically died with this projection. To my knowledge there is no other german-dubbed print left, so we were to witness something special. This is a Hershell Gordon Lewis Sexploitation potboiler which has ridiculously bad direction, acting, dialoge and plot. I will not complain about the looks of the two female leads but everything else is really, really bad and amateurish. To me HGL is the american equivalent of Andreas Schnaas (Violent Shit). 

The Plot is a bout a 16year old witnessing her parents(!!!!) having sex, getting horny, and seducing all the men (except her father, thank god) she comes across. She becomes pregnant, has an abortion and has to stay in a clinic where she starts (still having pains from the abortion!!) to seduce one of the doctors. 

The film ends with the diagnosis that she is a nymphomaniac. 

-- What could have been a pretty sick move - given the reputation of the director - is a charade. 

The german distributors thought the same and went straight for laughs. The complete soundtrack is exchanged for either cool swinging sixties psychedelia or (in the "sex" scenes) bagpipe-military-march music, which is hilarious, sometimes dialog-snippets from other movies (westerns, crime) are inserted, maybe they had forgot to dub one or the other scene, I have no idea. 

The leads talk in ridiculous provincial german dialects (but each in a different!! one) and the dialogue is hilarious. The original dialogue's self-exploration becomes a farce, presented like this.

The best part is that in the german dub, the whole movie is designed to stage the explanation for her nymphomaniac behaviour -  it's the mother's fault for feeding her too much cocumber salad!. 

The german title translates as. "Oh, just blow me one (march)" - hence the marching music, as there now blowing in sight anywhere...

Sweetie Marie relaxing after her abortion

I honestly don't know how I feel about this, it felt like a complete waste of time as nothing is attractive about this movie, but somehow I am glad to be one of the few to have watched the orginal german dubbed version...

The only memorable thing about this movie is the attractive  Julia Ames who plays the (16 year old of course!!!) daughter... she also was part of Lewis 1968 "Just for the Hell" who has bascally the same people in the same sets. 

Here's a snippet that basically tells it all! an oscar-worthy monologue by Julia Adams. 

3. Trailer Time: 

Fright Night  - in which they want to sell this teeny-horror-comedy as a serious evil film. 

The Kiss - this 1988 movie about a female vampire in a pool??? was unknown to me until now, strange. But it looked interesting. It was quite hard to track down a good version, but now it is on my NAS for further investigation 

 

4. The Hunger / Begierde (UK 1983)

Of course I have been aware of this movie since 1983 but I never came round to watch it in the cinemas and the two times I rented it later, I fell asleep after 20 minutes of stylish boredom. There are only two movies that did that to me: the other one is called "Wolfen" which I still have not seen in it's entirety.

The plot: She (beautiful, beautiful Caterine Deneuve) is an immortal vampire and chooses every 200 to 300 years a new companion (m/f/div) by infecting this person with her blood and promising him/her/it eternal life. Well, eternity for  them  lasts about 200-300 years after which they reach their real physical status within a week, but they too cannot die but just become more and more frail. So she keeps them in coffins in the attic and carries them around. Flashbacks include her origin (Egypt --- lol, is there anyone less-egyptian looking than Deneuve??) and times spent with her corrent lover in the 18th cent. As this one (bautiful, beautiful David Bowie)  experiences this sudden coming-of-age trip he seeks help with an age-reasearching blood specialist (not that beautiful but braless Susan Sarandon). But she thinks he's a loon, so he wanders off killing girls to drink their blood in a desperate but futile move. When Scientist shows up at Vampire's door, the Lover is already in a coffin in the attic, so V seduces S with her Sherry-instead-of-Water-wet-T-shirt-trick to have sex with her and after and abundace of sucking and licking, S ist the new partner -- Until then I would have gotten the movie. It is a basically an ultra-high-budget and ultra-stylish british copy of every second Jean Rollin movie, but without the camp and without any entertainment value. But I would have gotten it.

Did somebody say "Style over content??"

But the movie does not end there. I'm afraid the movie industry bosses got involved and demanded a "good" ending, so S together with L and the other living dead from the attic kill V by literally throwing her down a flight of stairs (immortal! LMFAO) and S becomes the new V. I mean without ANY explanation, any hint on how and why. This is completely ridiculous. (Or maybe I fell asleep when they explained this... man, I don't know...)

The sets, acting, camera and score are B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L, but there is no soul. No soul. I was happy I made it through the movie till the end this time. I was happy to have seen it in all it's analog glory and in a big movie theatre. But actually that was just for the bucket list. Sad to say, but the prologue featuring Pete Murphy from Bauhaus with "Bela Lugosi's Dead" is the best thing in this movie.

Director Tony Scott went on to make "Top Gun" as a "Director-for-Hire", he later returned to the subject to direct the two season premieres of "The Hunger" TV-series, with David Bowie being the host for the second season. This has aged so badly that I wonder who the hell actually watched it first time around. 

Well, don't bother, me sais.

IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN MY 1985/1986 NIGHTS AT THE GRINDHOUSES CLICK HERE!